It was always funny to me how the Lord chooses his timing so perfectly when we ourselves can never see it fit. It was summer and I was 18 getting ready to leave my youth group at Fountain City Church. I remember having a sense of pride going into my very last youth trip, thinking that I was ready for the transition and wouldn’t experience anything during this trip simply because I already had an extremely close relationship with Jesus. I fell into a satisfaction or agreement with the enemy that I was “good enough” for God. I knew how to spend time with him, read his word, and even be a disciple to others from time to time, but my heart was trapped in a mindset of purely servitude and not relational love for God and his people. I had shame built up from sin and hypocrisy in my life that held me back from truly believing I was worthy enough to God, but again, I believed I was “good enough.”

The camp at Ichthus immediately felt like home, it was cozy and had a warm presence to it. I had been on other youth trips before but I noticed this was a lot different. Apart from the main building where the leaders and students stayed, there was another property owned by Ichthus ministry that they called “The Haven.” It was a small red barn sitting on a hill that overlooked some mountains. Our youth pastor, Daniel Miller, was a former student at Ichthus and explained that The Haven was where he had his first major encounter with the Lord. Our second night at Ichthus our group made our way up to The Haven for worship and to listen to a message from Daniel. That night there was an altar call after the sermon with a specific set of questions for us to think upon: “What is God calling me too and what am I holding onto that's keeping me from that call?” I had no idea, but I still felt called to go up and simply bow before God. I began to sob, I could feel the presence of God moving through me and the others at that very altar. Suddenly I feel a set of hands over my eyes and God reveals a verse to me, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes” (Revelation 21:4). As soon as the hands leave my face I feel a vibrating numbness throughout my face just like I’m being zapped by electricity. It was too weird to not be real.

This odd encounter revealed the grace that God had for me in my shame and sin. I realized that my shame had been what was keeping me from having an intimate relationship with God. I definitely wasn’t instantly fixed after my encounter, but I had a realization of what Jesus truly did for me and how he took my shame away on the cross and would someday come back to wipe away every tear. The encounter sparked a fire that steadily grew after the trip and ultimately was a huge stepping stone into my manhood. I thank God for remaining faithful to me and rescuing me during that season.